Happy New Year

Well it's official.  Welcome to 2012.

I had an uneventful evening - stayed home and read a book.  A few minutes to midnight Jute asked if we should have a traditional midnight kiss.  I nonchalantly agreed, and we came together for a short make out session.  After the clocks clicked over we broke away again.  He returned to playing Zelda (he received an NES system for the holidays) and I returned to my computer.  I texted a *snuggle kiss* to Raven and was a little sad that I couldn't kiss him in person.

New Years Day.  (sigh)  Exactly one year ago today, Jute and I visited Star and Carter for dinner.  We hardly knew each other at the time.  Star and I had only been flirting for a couple months, and had only kissed once.  We had met each other's husbands, but not socialized with them at all.  The guys were just barely acquaintances.  The plan for the evening was chatting and board games, but somehow instead we ended up having a crazy, beautiful, BDSM orgy.

I'd have to say Star was the one who initiated it.  After a few drinks she suggested we play a new card game, and this time she suggested a 'strip' version.  We exchanged glances, tittered, and then all agreed that could be fun.  Shortly thereafter we were suitably nude enough that Star further suggested that Carter show off his rope skills, using me as a bunny.  I was nervous, but agreed.  As he first began to tie me I experienced a bit of faintness.  When I admitted this sensation, he calmly lowered me into a kitchen chair, loosened the bonds and checked my pulses.  His confidence and calm inspired an immediate wave of relief in me.  I was safe with him.  That moment was when my feelings for him began to turn.

Star and Jute meanwhile had started out watching the bondage session, but somewhere along the line she had shared with him that she was very curious as to what it felt like to suck an un-cut cock.  She asked permission to experience his, and he was happy to oblige.

By the time Carter was ready to tie me to the table, Jute and Star were highly aroused.  The three of them kissed, stroked and licked me all over, and Carter's probing fingers caused me to squirt for the first time in my life.  Jute was facinated and wanted to learn how to do the same.  Carter demonstrated on me for a bit, before I was untied and it was Star's turn to gush all over the hardwood.

Later we took the party to their kingsize bed, and spent a few hours alternately fucking and then making love.  The energy between us was indescribable.  We awoke the next morning in a happy tangle of limbs.  We were amazed at having discovered this intimate connection with each other.  We felt as if we had all aligned just perfectly.

We were ready for a perfect new year.  And what a year it was...  what a year.

Cuffed

I wore my cuffs to sleep last night.  I was held by baby pink faux leather lined with fuzzy faux fur.  The short shiny stainless chain restricted me in a peaceful way.  I haven't worn my cuffs to bed for months.  The last time I did Jute caught me and teased me about it.  He thought Carter had told me to do it, but Carter hadn't.  At least Carter didn't think it was a silly action though.  He figured it meant I was feeling insecure, that I wanted comfort.  Carter understood that bondage, cuffs, rope, can mean more than physical sensation.  There's a powerful emotional release when I am bound.  Carter wove ropes around me and I saw it as an expression of art and love.

As far as I can tell Jute has never felt the magickal aura of bondage.  It is functional to him.  Mechanical restriction which can be used to facilitate physical pleasure.  Months ago, during a week where Star and I had been fighting and I couldn't be with Carter because of that, Jute thought it would be a good idea to arrange a date for me with a rope top.  I was unsure, when he proposed it, but decided it might be fun.  He found a nice enough man to do it, and I even enjoyed myself through the process.  The problem arose the next morning.  I dropped *hard.*  I sobbed.  I felt dirty.  I felt like I'd sullied the purity of my love for rope.  I'd cheapened it.

Star and Carter were furious.  They both knew how powerfully I react to being bound, and were incredulous that this idea - a fling to get my mind off them - had ever been given merit.  Even though she had been angry with me the other day, Star comforted me.  She spoke soothingly to me as I sobbed to her over the phone.  That afternoon she brought me chocolates and held me.

Even now, recalling that, I'm starting to cry.  I miss her friendship, her touch.  We were volatile together, almost because we understood too much.  We fought so many of the same internal demons - histories of abuse, abandonment and depression.  We have mirrored histories, and they link us together.  As distant as I've become from her I cannot 'un-love' her.  My heart is forever roughly bound and cuffed to hers.